As I was talking to a client, she excitedly told me, “I learned something new about you. M______ ka pala dati. But you’ve changed now.” (You were _____ before. But you’ve changed now.) Apparently, a common acquaintance (who knew me longer) told her about it. I laughed and said, “Hanggang ngayon naman.” (Until now).

It got me thinking what made that person think of me or see me that way. Maybe it was true before, but I couldn’t think of the context or any specific situation when she saw me that way. Then I thought, maybe it’s her perspective of me that changed. Maybe she now sees me in a different light. J

At one point, I’m sure we’ve told someone (directly or otherwise) that they’ve changed – for better or for worse. But if you come to think of it, it is also very likely that it is really our perception of them that changed. Remember when you first met your significant other or your best friend? Did you instantly click? Maybe for some, it was love (or friendship) at first sight. But for others, you probably thought “Ay ang ______ (insert a trait you dislike) naman niya.” (S/he is so ______). Then when you got closer, you learned to like or love him / her. Perhaps because you saw something good beyond the flaws, you began to understand them better, or simply related with them in a different way. It could also be a former boss you used to hate or fear, who later on became your friend… A colleague whom you thought was lazy because she leaves on the dot to do her mommy duties at home, but later on becomes your best mommy-friend.

So next time, before telling someone that she’s changed, look within you first and reflect on what made you think that way. And when someone tells you the same, don’t go all defensive at once (especially if you believe it’s not 100% true). Take a step back, and see the bigger picture.