“Wherever I will be, whenever it will be, I trust in every way”
These words from one of Feast Worship’s new song made my cry buckets last Sunday during Feast Bellevue PM session. I cried even more when Mike shared his story about the line, “I am still here.”
Two years ago, these were the words in my heart when I left the corporate world and pursued my heart’s desires. Many times during worship, I cried out of fear, worry, sadness and confusion. I had a plan, yes. I had a goal, yes. I had a purpose, yes. But dreams do not come true overnight, and purpose doesn’t instantly put food on the table or pay bills. I was anxious about my progress. I was anxious about waiting. I was scared of failing. Scared of losing. Scared of hearing people say, “I knew she wouldn’t make it. She was crazy to try.”
it was very hard to wait.
It was very hard to wrestle with all the emotions I was feeling then.
it was very hard to accept that I know not what’s coming next for me and when it is coming.
It was very hard to trust and to surrender.
But I’m glad I did.
Writing this now still makes me cry. I am simply in awe of how God has walked with me and carried me throughout the difficult times. He never failed me. He never fails me and He never will. And now, l am filled with so much gratitude as I say, “I am still here.” By the grace of God, I am here and I have gone through the seasons of drought, of sowing and of pruning. But here I am… Here I am, by God’s grace, in my season of harvest. The season that I prayed for and waited for.
Even my book has been perfectly orchestrated and planned by Him. I dreamed it decades ago. I wrote it a year ago. Yes, the voice you’d hear as you read my book was me back then. That was the voice of someone who isn’t totally “out of the dark yet”. All the prayers I shared there were my actual prayers during that time. My worry back then was, “How will people believe me and what I say if I haven’t even reached my harvest season yet?” As I’ve said in the closing chapter….
“I share this journey with you not because I have reached the finish line, victorious. Truth is, there is no finish line because the journey never ends.”
I finished writing the book in December 2018. It was edited in February 2019. It was printed in October 2019.
What happened between February and October?
I waited for God’s time and for God’s plan…. wherever I will be, whenever it will be… I trusted.
One night in August, as I was planning the re-design of my website, the Lord whispered to me to go and publish my book. Without thinking twice, I contacted my book writing coach and reconnected with my editor. And slowly, everything just fell into place.
God’s timing is perfect. The book was published just at the right time…Today, I can confidently say, the harvest is abundant. God answers prayers.
No matter what tires or drains you now, YOU HAVE IT IN YOU TO GET OUT OF IT.
I just did.
And onward I go. 🙂
I believe you can, too.
Book is available here: bit.ly/thirtysomethingandretired