For the past couple of months, I’ve been switching from one shampoo to another because I feel like it’s not working well with my hair. In the past weeks, I’ve decided to give one of these brands another try. But this time, I decided to change the way I used it — the amount of shampoo used, the way I applied it, and so on. And guess what? It did wonders. I decided to stick to it.

Made me think that it’s so easy to pass the blame when ugly situations happen to us — when our goals are not met, when we get stressed, when we get stuck in traffic, when we don’t get what we want, when we reach our boiling point, and so on. 

The past weeks have been really tough for me with late nights, early mornings, overlapping projects and deliverables, family decisions and so on. And though I don’t lose sleep over it, they all come to me in my dreams. 😅 And I know myself well enough to say that that is one of my sure signs of stress. And I am also aware that when it happens, I get ultra sensitive and irritable. Thankfully, the awareness of my triggers and feelings allow me to catch myself, pause, and become more intentional about how I respond. 

But not always. 

One time, I texted my husband complaining about how frustrated I was about an aspect of a project. As I went on that day, I remembered my shampoo. It’s not the project or the work that’s stressing me out, but the WAY I was handling it. So really, it’s not the work, but it’s me.

You see, add to being super OC (It’s as if I have a built in calendar and spreadsheet in my head!) one of my strengths is also that I am an ‘activator’. I even joked to my friend that I feel like it is a curse because everytime I see that there seems to be no clear action and direction, I roll up my sleeves and get things started (or activated?). And when you multiply that with all the projects and deliverables, I end up swimming neck-deep with work and with thoughs of work. 

Ack.

This consciousness has led to a shift in my perspective that  “it’s not the work, it’s me.” And this shift is now enabling me to see things with a different lens, and create my action plan accordingly.