Leadership can sometimes feel like a performance. đźŽ
You step into meetings as if going on stage, wearing your best suit, standing tall and at the back of your mind recalling all the lines you practiced. 🎙️ You know your cues. You’ve prepared for possible questions. And whether you admit it or not, there’s a part of you waiting for a version of an applause, through approval, alignment or reassurance that you’re on the right track.
Most leaders don’t struggle with competence. They struggle with making connections.
Connections that are real. ✨
Our typical image of a great leader is someone who appears composed, polished, confident and in control. These are all great qualities of a leader. But these can also quietly shift leadership from being an inspirational one, to one that merely performs. đźŽ
When leaders become performative, the air feels different. Conversations become efficient but guarded. Feedback gets filtered. Emotions are edited out for professionalism’s sake. Trust exists at a safe distance. Respect is present, yet lacking in complete honesty.
🤔 The question for you is, are you leading to perform or to inspire?
Leadership, at its core, is a relationship. 🤝🏼
And like any relationship, it is strengthened not with perfection, but with empathy, presence, trust and being human.
Why do leaders “perform”?
There are many reasons why leaders want to appear perfect and put-together. Here are some of them.
🎖️ Ego: Appearing confident and polished leads to admiration and can boost one’s ego. Who doesn’t want to look good?
🛡️ Self-Preservation or Self-Protection: Vulnerability feels scary. Putting your guard down can feel like being naked and exposed! Some leaders attach their value to being strong, correct and in control. Thus, any form of emotion or subtle uncertainty makes some leaders feel inadequate or incompetent.
đź“ś Outdated Leadership Mental Model: Leadership idols of the past (could be our parents or bosses) might have given leaders today an outdated blueprint of what excellent leadership looks like. These could be coming from the command-and-control leadership style that worked for people working in the assembly lines, but not for knowledge workers these days.
What does it take to be a leader that inspires?
Leaders must have empathy
“Leaders touch a heart before they ask for a hand.” – John Maxwell
Empathy builds connection. đź”—
Empathy-based leadership is one of the 3 pillars of a human-centric workplace, according to Gartner. It is also referred to by Harvard Business Review as a non-negotiable leadership skill. These sources share that employees with empathetic leaders experience higher engagement, greater loyalty, better performance (and productivity) and psychological safety.
But what does empathy look like? It’s not about oversharing or blurring boundaries.
đź’š It means acknowledging emotions.
đź’š It means connecting with what the other person is feeling.
What does empathy sound like in leadership?
💬 “That sounds more challenging than I thought. What’s going on for you?”
💬 “I may not be seeing the full picture yet. Please help me understand.”
💬 “This seems important to you. Tell me more about it.”
Leaders must be vulnerable
Vulnerability is a positive 👍🏼 leadership signal, not a confession of weakness.
Brene Brown, in her book, “Dare to Lead” makes a distinction:
đź’š Vulnerability is not emotional dumping
đź’š It is measured, purposeful openness in service of trust
Her research consistently proves that vulnerability increases trust, creativity and resilience. Aren’t these what you want for your teams?
What does vulnerability sound like in leadership?
💬 “I don’t have the answers yet. We can figure this out together.”
💬 “This is a bit challenging for me.”
💬 “ What do you think?”
Leaders must be curious
Curiosity is an underrated leadership skill. đź‘€
Curiosity not only builds connection and relationships, but it encourages ownership, innovation and trust. How? By being curious, leaders acknowledge that they don’t have all the answers and definitely not all the best answers. It’s a sign of intellectual humility and openness. Thus employees feel more comfortable speaking up, sharing their ideas and trying new things.
What does curiosity sound like in leadership?
💬 “That’s a great idea. Tell me more about it.”
💬 “I noticed (insert observation) and I’d love to know what drove that decision.”
💬 “When you say, impossible goals, what do you mean by that?”
It boils down to relationships.
Research from the Gottman Institute on relationships shows that emotional responsiveness (feeling seen, heard and understood) is the strongest predictor of relationship satisfaction. This is applicable not just in romantic relationships, but in professional ones as well.
Think about it, employees don’t disengage because leaders aren’t smart enough.
They disengage because they do not feel connected. 🫤
Dear leaders, you don’t need to have it all together all the time. You don’t need to put on your best show every time you lead your team meetings or present to executives. It’s about showing up as your best and most authentic self, one that is empathetic, vulnerable and curious.
When you’re real, others will trust you.
Leadership isn’t about performing, it’s about connecting.
Are you ready to be a genuine kind of leader that connects and inspires? Check this out.
Got questions?
Schedule a call with me or send me a message hello@kurlydeguzman.com
No Special tools needed. You can start today, and do it consistently to make a difference. Coach Kurly de Guzman is a Career and Leadership Coach and one of a LinkedIn’s Top Voice based in the Philippines. She continuously seeks ways to help coaches, leaders and teams thrive through her newsletter, leadership and career development workshops as well as group and 1:1 coaching session for clients.
To work with Kurly, send an email to hello@kurlydeguzman.com or book an exploratory call to discuss your organization’s needs her
