“I call the shots here, don’t I?,” said the boss to my colleague. And right then and there, the conversation was over. With her head down, mouth shut and tears rolling down her cheeks she walked away.
Does this story sound familiar to you?
It comes in many different forms too, but all leading towards creating the fear of speaking up.
Like I said before, I believe in my heart that most leaders are trying their best in their roles. Sometimes, they fall short because they are unaware of how they’re showing up or how their words and actions impact their team.
Let’s explore 3 common ways leaders consciously or unconsciously create the fear of speaking up in their teams.
1 – Leading by command and control
Some leaders still use command and control as their default style, while others tend to shift to this when they feel threatened, stressed, or angry.
If this is your default, you’ve got a lot of catching up to do. The Gallup 2021 State of the Workplace Report, they found that
“Managers account for 70% of the variance in team engagement, and for managers to positively influence employee wellbeing, they must be upskilled from boss to coach….. No wellbeing program will be effective until employees trust their leaders and managers truly care about them as people.”
An article in Inc. Magazine aptly titled “Command and Control Leadership Is Dead. Here’s What’s Taking Its Place” also shares that this style not only damages employee morale, but also leads to poor results.
On the other hand, if this is not your default, but you find yourself clinging to it as a last resort when your sense of status or authority feels threatened, it would help to be more aware of your triggers and practice pausing before you respond.
2 – Having rebuttals on-hand
The best leaders don’t even try to have all the answers and there are benefits to it, says an article in SHRM Blog.
Unfortunately, many still believe in this, or perhaps fear being seen as incompetent. And so, they prepare answers and rebuttals even before their employees speak or finish speaking. Other leaders may have formed impressions about certain employees based on past experiences or performance and quickly dismiss them when they speak.
If you find yourself falling into these traps of responding with rebuttals and dismissing thoughts and ideas, it’s probably time to examine your mindset. In another article, 4 Mindset Shifts to Make You a Better Leader, I shared that getting to know your team helps you build better (and trusting) relationships with them.
3 – Not giving them the opportunity to speak
Giving your team the opportunity to speak is not just as simple as saying, “Do you have any questions?” and then proceeding to the next topic after 5 seconds.
Take an active approach where you encourage them to speak by asking specific questions like, “What do you think about the idea of launching Product X in November?” or giving them the opportunity to lead meetings or do presentations. This also means giving them time to think, process their thoughts and speak. So don’t rush to the next topic if they’re silent for a while. If you have limited time during your meetings, it may help to send questions for reflection or advanced information so they can start thinking and preparing their answers.
The list goes on, but…
There are many other reasons we can add to the list like…
Criticizing people for being outspoken
Judging people for what they say
Treating those who oppose us as enemies
Playing favorites
Lack of empathy
… but let’s not point fingers or beat ourselves up for being guilty for one or more of these. Like your teams, you too are human, and you commit mistakes too. And you have a chance everyday to make it better.
Communicate with clarity, curiosity and care. Remember that communication is not just about speaking, it’s about allowing others to speak, and listening to them as they do.
Let’s create more safe spaces where people feel welcome, seen and heard.
