Career failures? I’ve got plenty.
In my my article, “Career Talks: What we don’t usually talk about (that we really should be talking about” I shared the real stories beneath every career decision, transition, job search, etc. that we don’t usually talk about.
In August, I joined Calm Collective Asia’s campaign #StrengthInVulnerability and shared the story of one of the most challenging phases of my life – the season between corporate and coach. I hope to share a bit more in this edition as we celebrated World Mental Health Awareness Day last October 10 to remind ourselves that…
It’s okay not to be okay.
It’s okay to make mistakes.
It’s okay to ask for help.
Career failures and rejections hurt.
I know that for sure.
I experienced a form of rejection during my tween years when I wasn’t selected for the gala performance of a school play. I also got ghosted and rejected when I applied for jobs or when I presented proposals to clients. I struggled to get my book published.
I’ve had ideas which I thought were great but flopped. I got into a job and realized later on that I shouldn’t have accepted it. I missed adding a critical business requirement during the budget forecasting process. I accidentally sent a wrong email to the whole organization.
And the list goes on.
During those moments, I wished the ground would just swallow me up. I wished I could press life’s undo button, or just like in Spiderman No Way Home, cast a spell to make everyone forget.
It’s not easy, but the only way is to go through it.
Going through failures
Allow yourself to feel what you feel
During my transition out of corporate, I wanted to be and appear strong and in control. I somewhat forcibly shoved away feelings of sadness and told myself to focus on my excitement for the chapter ahead. I didn’t want to feel the sadness and worry, because it made me think I was weak. Eventually, I had to deal with it when all the pain and fears surfaced and paralyzed me from completing a critical requirement for my coach certification.
The lesson I learned? Allow yourself to feel what you feel, in both your highs and lows. Cry if you need to. Talk to someone and seek help. It was during this time that I also sought the help of a coach.
Detach and evaluate
Detach yourself from titles and labels. Your career does not define you. Your failure does not define you.
If let’s say you made several mistakes in delivering a client presentation, it does not mean that you’re a “bad presenter” and nor does it mean that you’re a “failure as a person”.
Evaluate but don’t judge, is one of the key messages in Thomas Sterner’s book, The Practicing Mind.
When we’re able to detach ourselves and withhold judgment (and labels), we can then look at our situation and ourselves more objectively.
What did you do well? What could you improve? What might have led to the failure?
Process your learning
After you’ve objectively evaluated the mishap, it’s time to process what you’ve learned. This is where you turn the mess into a message. What is this experience telling you?
When processing your learning, consider these areas…
- What you learned about the task or situation
- What you learned about the action(s) you’ve taken
- What you learned about others or your interaction with others
- What you learned about yourself
This is an important step in dealing with career failures so you don’t repeat the same mistake, and you take with you some wins and badges from experience.
Restart or redirect
When you’re ready, try again.
But this time, you’re armed with knowledge not only of your task or situation, but also of yourself. You probably have a better strategy to do things. Or maybe you now have greater clarity on what you want and don’t want, and decide to redirect yourself to another path.
Perhaps you realized that you can’t do this alone and need someone to guide you. Or maybe you decide to change your pace and not rush through things.
When you do try again, know that you still might make some mistakes. Learning is an iterative process. We won’t learn our lessons all at once. Sometimes, we get bite sized pieces that we can manageably handle.
When we learn, we grow.
Looking back and looking ahead
Looking back at what I’ve gone through, my failures don’t seem like failures anymore. I now see these as lessons.
Going through these experiences, help us see the forest for the trees. We begin to appreciate how everything was wonderfully orchestrated by God to bring us to where we are right now or where we want to be. We realize how brave we are and are in awe as we reflect, “Wow, I’ve gone through all that!”
Wherever you are in your career right now… Celebrating wins or wanting to be swallowed by the ground. Nursing wounds or seeing new horizons. Bravely exploring or quietly content. Embrace it. Immerse in it. Then look ahead because I know that there are even better things coming your way.
I’m rooting for you!
